This has been one heck of a year. Wow. Seriously, just wow. There is something to be said for going through a rough year, and coming out at the other end of it in one piece.
I almost can’t believe that everything that has happened in my life, has been in the course of only 1 year. This time last year, I was still unsure if I was ready for the Gastric Bypass surgery, I wanted to do it “on my own” and by traditional methods, I didn’t want to FAIL, and I didn’t want to have to say that I’d taken an “easy way out” to achieve my weight loss. In retrospect now, if there actually WAS an “easy way out” to be had, I would definitely liked to have taken it, because let me tell you, this way (the surgery) was an emotional roller coaster, and required a hell of a lot of effort on my part to make it come together. With the results I have achieved so far, 90 lbs lost to date, I have to say, if this is failure, I can’t wait to see success!
2006 has been a rough year. Between my dad’s health problems, my surgery, a bunch of other stuff I'm not even thinking about anymore and the struggle of day to day life in the midst of it all, I honestly questioned my personal sanity quite a lot this year.
You know that saying “time flies when you’re having fun?” Well I must tell you, I wasn’t having much fun this last year, and the emotions that I experienced made 2006 feel like it’s own decade. And how do I feel now? It’s quite true what they say, that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That is exactly how I feel now, stronger, more confident, more appreciative of life and everything it has to offer. I also feel very optimistic about the future, and I can’t wait to start experiencing things I have never been able to being morbidly obese.
As a result of the challenges I have faced, 2006 has been a year of growth. I believe that I have “matured” (I use the term loosely!! haha) more in the last year than I did in most of my 20’s. To be honest, at 28 years old, it is the first year I have truly felt like “an adult”. Strange to say, but up until lately, I’ve always felt like a big kid living in an adult world. I always thought it was a pretty good deal that I could act impulsively and not do very much to prepare for the future, and still get all the “privilege” that comes with adulthood. Don’t get me wrong, I “thought” about my future a ton, obsessed could be a better word. But I didn’t act in a way that was preparing for anything. All talk, no action, and a lot of self-destructive behavior.
Do I regret my ways? Not really. I made it through, and I have the rest of my life to get things going for myself, so what’s to regret? I’ve had a ton of fun in my 20’s, and wouldn’t change much of anything even if I could. But I am starting to recognize a lot of the “childish” behavior that makes life a little tougher. I’m starting to realize some of the practical things that can be done to prepare. And I’ve gotten realistic about what it is going to take to succeed and reach my dreams and goals.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to change who I am, at least not at my fundamental core. Being impulsive is still a very high priority for me, as is traveling and experiencing new things. The big difference is that I am going to have to adopt a much stronger “work hard, play hard” mentality. I’m going to have to sacrifice, and prioritize, 2 things that tend to drive me nuts! But there is a big world out there, and if I’m gonna experience the whole damn thing, I better get going on getting going!
So looking at the last year, and the last 10 years since I entered the adult world and began working on my adult life, it would be easy to get down on myself about “failing” at achieving my goals and dreams. That’s what I’d tell you if you asked me at the age of 17 what I would think about just getting started on being successful at the age of 28. Back then, I would have told you that I wanted to be a millionaire by the age of 25, and retire by the age of 30. Barring a lottery win, that’s not likely to happen. I haven’t given up that dream of being financially independent and “retiring” at a young age, the truth is just that I haven’t failed enough yet.
Lately, I have learned to accept that failure is the key to success. Every great individual in history failed, and failed a lot! If there was a secret to life, it would be that failing is just another word for learning, by experience. It’s driven into our brain that failure is bad, failure is bad, failure is bad! In school, what did you get for a grade if you didn’t pass? An F, for Fail! Yikes! Not an F! That’s not acceptable. A’s and B’s are good! Well let me tell you this, there are classes that I learned a dozen times more in that I got a C or a D, than the one’s I breezed through and got an A. Woodshop was a prime example. I got a C in woodshop. It pissed me off greatly at the time, because I was trying my ass off and just couldn’t get it right. My work looked like absolute crap! The wood wasn’t cut straight, the paint was applied horridly, and it frankly looked like something from the art’s and crafts department of the criminally insane.
But I learned more in that class than I ever did in classes where I got my easy A’s (like, Keyboarding.. I got to 30wpm in typing after keyboarding 1; keyboarding 2 and 3 were like a for credit study hall). What did that reinforce? That it was better to stick with what you are good at, because failing sucks. It didn’t feel right to me at the time, and I couldn’t explain why then, but I certainly can now. The verdict? Failure is GOOD!! Every time you fail is just another opportunity to learn!
My hopes for 2007 are two-fold. I want it to be a BETTER year than 2006, but I also want it to be a HARDER year. Yeah, you heard right. I WANT it to be harder than 2006, not in the exact ways of course, for one I pray for good health for all of those who are close to me, those aren't the kinds of chalanges I like to face. But I do want to be challenged in ways I haven’t been challenged before, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Now there is something I would have never thought I’d say, while going through everything I went through preparing for the surgery, all I wanted was to just relax, to just sit back and take life day by day, and for 6 weeks after the surgery I did just that! I didn’t do a damn thing but sit back and recover, and it was GREAT! And at the same time, while it was necessary to recover and get used to my new way of life, I didn’t grow during that time. Then one day, I decided, I’m gonna buy a house! So I went out and started that process, and closed on it at the end of November. The month of December? LAZY! I haven’t done much of anything this month. And you know what? I’m missing that sense of accomplishment that you get from accomplishing BIG things. So what’s next? Who knows, but it’s gotta be big!
