A moment of truth!
I'm sitting here today, watching Dane Cook's Tourgasm on HBO. I really enjoy the show, because it shows 4 comics at the top of their game, working their ASS off, on a 30 day straight tour. It's blood, sweat, and tears, and that somehow appeals to me. I have no interest in becoming a comedian, but I admire anyone who strives to be the best at what they do.
It's something I remember doing at one point in my life, but not lately. There was a time in my life where I was working a full time, 45+ hour per week job, a part time 12 hour per day Saturday and Sunday job, and I was going to College full time, 20 hours per week. And I still went out on Friday night until 1am. That was intensity. That, to me, was ideal. I reflect on that time as one of the most amazing, proudest times of my life. It was a time of life where I felt unstopable!
Now? Present day? I feel I'm struggling to just keep my head above water. I am struggling to even perform well at work doing a typical 40 hour per week job. And going out 3 nights a week? Forget about it! I was a groomsman in one of my best friend's wedding a month ago, and sprained my ankle from all the standing and walking that I had to do. (The horrid tuxedo shoes had a bit to do with it as well). But I think about that. One night of being on my feet and it put me out of commission for 3 weeks. It still hurts a little bit even now.
What am I trying to get at here? Well, while watching Dane Cook, I see them going out to a all you can eat crab dinner, and for a brief moment I get caught up in the fact that I will never again participate in "All you can eat". I think about how much I enjoy the over endulgance of eating until you're ready to explode. And for an even briefer moment, I experience that old, familiar defiance against the surgery that kept me from getting it all these years. That "I'm better than that surgery" feeling. The feeling that I want my Cake and eat it too, then eat a big steak and lobster dinner with a double order of mashed potatoes. I think to myself for a half second too long that I still have a choice. I still have the option of backing out and doing this weight loss thing on my own.
And then it hits me once again like a ton of bricks! This surgery is going to save my F*CKING life!! This surgery is going to restore my previous driven and motivated self. It is going to release me from this prison of FAT! Once I get rid of this bastard, life sucking parasite, affectionately known as morbid obesity, I will be unstopable in life once again!
In fact, I a pretty sure that this surgery is going to present opportunities to me that I have never experienced at any point in my life before! And I'm tempted by what, an all you can eat crab dinner?? I'm tempted to throw away a wide open future for a large amount of shellfish?? Shhhhhhhhhiiiitttt.... anyone who dares tell me this afliction of obesity isn't a major addiction, is a fool. Anyone who doubts the struggle that we, the morbidly obese face, should walk just one day in our shoes! I tell you one thing, their feet will hurt for starters!
Anyway, that was my moment of truth. I felt deep in my soul that everything about this is right! After 28 years of over indulging in food, I am ready to indulge in the rest of life I've been missing out on. I am making a pact with myself right now that next year, I am going to take a week and go on one of the most amazing, physical vacations ever. Someplace like Yosemite, or the Grand Canyon. I'm going to push myself beyond any limit I have yet reached in life, climb to the highest place I can climb, and it is there, from the peak of a mountain or the depths of a canyon, that I will yell my victory shout!
It is there, that the world will know that I have arrived!
It's something I remember doing at one point in my life, but not lately. There was a time in my life where I was working a full time, 45+ hour per week job, a part time 12 hour per day Saturday and Sunday job, and I was going to College full time, 20 hours per week. And I still went out on Friday night until 1am. That was intensity. That, to me, was ideal. I reflect on that time as one of the most amazing, proudest times of my life. It was a time of life where I felt unstopable!
Now? Present day? I feel I'm struggling to just keep my head above water. I am struggling to even perform well at work doing a typical 40 hour per week job. And going out 3 nights a week? Forget about it! I was a groomsman in one of my best friend's wedding a month ago, and sprained my ankle from all the standing and walking that I had to do. (The horrid tuxedo shoes had a bit to do with it as well). But I think about that. One night of being on my feet and it put me out of commission for 3 weeks. It still hurts a little bit even now.
What am I trying to get at here? Well, while watching Dane Cook, I see them going out to a all you can eat crab dinner, and for a brief moment I get caught up in the fact that I will never again participate in "All you can eat". I think about how much I enjoy the over endulgance of eating until you're ready to explode. And for an even briefer moment, I experience that old, familiar defiance against the surgery that kept me from getting it all these years. That "I'm better than that surgery" feeling. The feeling that I want my Cake and eat it too, then eat a big steak and lobster dinner with a double order of mashed potatoes. I think to myself for a half second too long that I still have a choice. I still have the option of backing out and doing this weight loss thing on my own.
And then it hits me once again like a ton of bricks! This surgery is going to save my F*CKING life!! This surgery is going to restore my previous driven and motivated self. It is going to release me from this prison of FAT! Once I get rid of this bastard, life sucking parasite, affectionately known as morbid obesity, I will be unstopable in life once again!
In fact, I a pretty sure that this surgery is going to present opportunities to me that I have never experienced at any point in my life before! And I'm tempted by what, an all you can eat crab dinner?? I'm tempted to throw away a wide open future for a large amount of shellfish?? Shhhhhhhhhiiiitttt.... anyone who dares tell me this afliction of obesity isn't a major addiction, is a fool. Anyone who doubts the struggle that we, the morbidly obese face, should walk just one day in our shoes! I tell you one thing, their feet will hurt for starters!
Anyway, that was my moment of truth. I felt deep in my soul that everything about this is right! After 28 years of over indulging in food, I am ready to indulge in the rest of life I've been missing out on. I am making a pact with myself right now that next year, I am going to take a week and go on one of the most amazing, physical vacations ever. Someplace like Yosemite, or the Grand Canyon. I'm going to push myself beyond any limit I have yet reached in life, climb to the highest place I can climb, and it is there, from the peak of a mountain or the depths of a canyon, that I will yell my victory shout!
It is there, that the world will know that I have arrived!
posted by Josh at
11:24 AM
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